-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Dec 6 2003 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Nathan Jones Newsletter
I am Helga The Help and Nathan Jones deserved to get his ass kicked.
You know, that 350 pound (158.76 Kilo) dude in Cincinnati who would not listen to police, got his ass kicked and died from his injuries.
Top 10 are:
- He was fat. Police everywhere should target the morbidly obese. The health care cost savings alone would balance the federal budget deficit. It would also put an end to the long lines at McDonalds.
- He could not dance. You see that video? Anyone who's got moves like that should never dance. He thought that just because he was black this rule did not apply. Bastard got what was coming to him.
- He hung out at White Castle. If you spend your Sundays hanging out and eating Sliders don't be surprised when you get your ass beaten to death.
- He was over 40. It should fall to our beloved public servants to protect everyone from the ravages of old age. Tubby will never have to rot away in a nursing home like your grandparents.
- He lived in Cincinnati and probably could not spell it. You can't either? Just shove a nightstick down your illiterate throat. You're too stupid to live in such an esteemed city that Jerry Springer got elected mayor.
- He used drugs. Think about that the next time you light up that PHP or ASP (or whatever the hell he was using) cigarette. Officer Death can be one baton jab away.
- He punched like a girl. What kind of punch was that anyway? Move like the blob and sting like a brick? Mohammed Ali would be so proud.
- His mug shot couldn't fit in the picture's space. I know this kind of goes with #1 but can apply to you big-headed beasties as well.
- He had a really ugly girlfriend. What is it with all you uglies? The uglier you are the more public affection you have to display at every possible moment. No one wants to see that crap. Someone already beat you with the ugly stick. Shall we make it a nightstick as well?
- And the #1 reason Nathan Jones deserved to get his ass kicked: He was not wearing a bra. If you have man boobs and refuse to wear a manssiere you ought to learn how to suck liquid food through prosthetic teeth.
Nah...you just plain deserve to die you fat ugly bastard.