-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Jun 19 2004 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Monogamy Newsletter
Transsexuals ought not to be judged except on the quality of their wigs.
-- Helga.
Dear Moral Guardians of the World,
I’‘m Helga, LiquidGeneration’‘s most eligible transsexual and I’‘m here to tell you that monogamy sucks monkey privates.
Who invented this load of manure anyway? Cave people? Jesus? Slippy Jenkins? Phooey to all of them. Remember that cave people are almost extinct, Jesus couldn’‘t get any from a flipping prostitute and Slippy is a spoiled rich kid with an English degree.
Humans were by no means the first, however, an idea evolved that stipulated an offspring would have a better chance of survival if both parties responsible for the little beastie would cooperate in its rearing. Fine. Perhaps even a hundred years ago. But I submit to you, dear reader, that in a country as old and refined as the United States of America, such nostalgia causes more harm than good.
Think about it. Do you wear just one outfit? Do you eat the same meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner? How many pieces of furniture do you have? How many books? How many cars? Indeed, if given the freedom, you would never even think of limiting your consumption of those items that make you happy. You have multiple moods and want multiple means of satisfying them. So who the hell made you think that something as complex as a relationship could ever be satisfied by one single person?
I thought so.
All of you married couples with 2.5 children and 6.25 grandchildren never bothered deviating from the textbook of life that you’‘ve inherited from countless previous generations. You’‘ve never bothered asking yourself if you are doing something because it will truly make you happy or just because society expects you to conform.
I can hear all of you now: "Marriage is a sacred institutionblah blah blah." Shove it up your nose. You don’‘t deserve the large brain you have up there. Your spinal cord would do you just fine.
Indeed,
Helga
Timeless Beauty/Carnivore