-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Sep 11 2004 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Newsletter 9/11/2004
Of the many signs of mental illness, obesity is the surest.
-- Helga.
Dear Moral Vegetarian,
I am Helga, LiquidGeneration’‘s most astonishing transsexual, and I would like to point out that you are a blithering idiot.
Do you honestly think that you are making a lick of difference in what you think is a "non-animal discipline?" First of all, let’‘s examine this so-called religion. Can you make the following statement: "I have not purchased a consumer product since adopting this unoriginal philosophy." If you’‘re reading this, then I’‘m afraid you cannot so shut up. Animal killer.
Now that we’‘ve established that you’‘re not just stupid but also a hypocrite, let us examine what your philosophy is costing you. How many of you think that carnivorous diets are evolutionarily behind your own? Oops. Sorry. Indeed it was the greater efficiency of a high-protein carnivorous diet that enabled humans to grow beyond the great apes, who need to eat about 100 pounds of crappy vegetation daily just to get a fraction of nutrients that a good filet has. Such a compact diet also paved the way for a smaller gut and a larger, more blood-enriched brain. This is to say nothing of the hunting, gathering and spatial attack skills that were required to hunt one’‘s food rather than pluck it from a tree. I could go on about the evolutionary advantages but if you’‘re really interested, you can read A Brief History of the Mind by William H. Calvin. I hope it’‘s not too complex for you.
Next, how many of you think your vegan diets are healthier? What did you have for lunch today? Falafel? French Fries? Thought so. Meatless does not equal guiltless. For those of you in your thirties take a look in the mirror. How’‘s your skin/complexion? How are your fingernails? Your hair? Good and healthy they all? Didn’‘t think so. You’‘re a little old for zits aren’‘t you? Grow up and have a steak.
Finally, let’‘s come back to consumer products. Do you know how they kill those calves to get the touchably soft leather for your Prada shoes and Gucci handbag? They insert an electric prod up their anuses and let the voltage flow as freely as diarrhea. They do this because cutting the skin sacrifices more usable leather and would add a few bucks to your already maxed-out credit card bill pissing you off. So unless you are prepared to withdraw yourself from the global economy of animal products and farm your own food, don’‘t talk to me about not eating animals. Admit that you are lazy and unoriginal and only willing to go as far as your stupid moral line in the sand. Think about this letter the next time you feel like some ice cream or Jell-o or that nice Louis Vuitton Handbag. Then print it out and shove it down your throat.
Carnivorously,
Helga
Health Nut/300 Cholesterol