-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Apr 2 2005 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Newsletter 4/2/2005 - Pope John Paul II Obituary & Terri Schiavo Obituary
Everyone dies but not everybody becomes a hyper-literate weightlifting tranny.
-- Helga
Dear O-Bitch-You-Nary,
I am Helga the Help, the Internet’s most pre-operative transsexual, and I would like to offer a prayer and request a moment of silence to honor the passing of two individuals who have changed the world: Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II.
...
Although both spent their last few years on this planet in a vegetative state, one attached to feeding tubes the other to a pedophile conspiracy, neither can be written off as unimportant. Indeed, while these two departees were vastly different in countless ways, it is their many similarities that, in the twilight of their lives, united them.
Despite the media frenzy that enveloped both poppings of this mortal boil, Ms. Schiavo and Mr. The Pope were humble folk from good homes built without asbestos or undocumented labor on the proper side of the tracks. Both sought salvation through self-denial. One of food, the other of consensual heterosexual sex. Both survived assassination attempts by powerful black-robed conspirators, one a member of the Grey Wolves Turkish Terrorists the other of the Federal Bench. And both heroically clung to life through the selfless, tireless services of a feeding tube.
As much as these two giants symbolized to countless citizens of the world, evil forces were hard at work behind both in their most defenseless hours. Rendered into simple, altruistic, intravenously-fed puppets, Ms. Schiavo and Mr. The Pope were shamelessly used to promote the agendas of their respective endowments. Mr. The Pope of the Communist College of Cardinals and Ms. Schiavo of conservatives...both of life and 7-figure malpractice payouts.
But no negativity can long endure the contribution these two fallen warriors have made to society. Ms. Schiavo, despite having lived for roughly half the time as her similarly-fed pal, has served as a living...um...breathing example to both bulimics and those who lack a living will. Pope John Paul’s contributions, however, cannot so easily be numbered. Not only did he start the trendiness of having two first names (since adopted by gay men everywhere) or even serve as the nominal inspiration for the Pope-Mobile, but he also demonstrated his flawless ability to cover-up corporate scandal with the same skill and greater success than many a corporate chieftan. Impressive considering that one involved abuse of shareholders while the other pre-pubescent boys.
In closing I can only prove wrong the late, great Andy Warhol who famously quipped that everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. Terry Schiavo has been famous for the better part of three and a half weeks while Pope John Paul...at least a month.
Love & Feeding Tubes,
Helga
Helga
Anti-christ/Anti-life