-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Jul 23 2005 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Newsletter 7/23/05 - L8 and African Charity
Stripping for a bunch of gay dudes does not make you a gay, but it does make you a homo.
-- Helga The Help
Dear Bleeding-Heart Philanthropists,
I am Helga The Help, LiquidGeneration’s promiscuous transsexual, and Live Aids, or L8 or G8 or whatever the hell these bastards are calling themselves now can take their tear-jerker message and shove it straight up their large intestines.
Tyrese Abdul Mohammed, LiquidGeneration’s pious CEO went to Live 8 a few weeks ago and gave us the download. Apparently, Will Smith, the Fresh Prince turned action superstar turned salvation-concert emcee, kept counting to 3 and announcing with self-satisfying profundity that a child has died in Africa. Yeah??? Did no one bother to tell him and the rest of the drugged-up saviors that in those three seconds another 10 children were born? Who’s going to feed them all? Misery, vice, disease and famine are simply checks on human population, which, if uncontrolled, would spiral far beyond the planet’s capacity to feed everyone.
Africa currently has one of the largest population growth rates in the world: close to 3% for the entire continent of over 600 million. This means that despite all of Bono’s and the Fresh Prince’s ballyhooing, and all the tearful statistics about little kiddies dying, Africa’s population will double in roughly 23 years. What do you suppose is going to happen since it doesn’t even come close to feeding the population it has now? That’s right: FAMINE. MISERY. DEATH. Tell your friends that FMD is the new WMD.
So what to do? Educate Congo about birth control? Export Planned Parenthood to Côte-d’Ivoire? Good luck. Even if that’s what we wanted, we might need to teach more than 50% of the population to read first during which time another 100 million people will be born into disease and starvation. The governments would be more successful forcibly sterilizing people like Indira Gandhi did and the Chinese probably still do. But good luck on that one too. We westerners don’t like to help people who see things differently and saying goodbye to American/European handouts would be every African leader’s swan song. I still can’t help but think that we invaded Vietnam simply because we think of dogs as our best friends, and they, as dinner.
But what do you know or care about Africa? You just want to go to a concert, listen to some music, drink some beer and say that you did your part since the rock stars are graciously contributing a portion of your ticket and booze receipts to the "cause." Handouts. Goodie goodie. They work like magic if the goal is to breed a culture of dependence. You see, the only people we’re helping by sending money are ourselves! As China and India get richer, cost of labor increases. Who’s going to make our clothes and do our tech support? Luckily in 23 years, we’ll have another 1.2 billion people literally dying for a few pennies a day. A whole new working class adjusted for inflation! Reading is optional when stitching fabric for 18 hours straight.
So congratulations! The last time you sent money to an African charity or went to one of those idiot concerts you have helped the next generation of spoiled brats buy cheap soccer balls. I hope you sprain your arm patting yourself on the back.
Charitably,
Helga The Help
Tranny Bate/Baby Eater