-----Original Message-----
FROM: John Davis
SENT: Mar 24 2003 3:53PM
SUBJECT:Send To A Friend
We played this joke on our sales VP.
He was such a vocal opponent of Helga's loving emails that every time a particularly cruel one would catch his eye, he would go crying to our esteemed CEO, the Reverend Tyrese Abdul Mohammed. (CLICK FOR PICTURE) He claims to be afraid of lawsuits, especially under the newly fumbled COPPA regulations.
Well, we created this fake hotmail account because we knew that he would check the headers and just to play upon his worst fears, made it seem like it was coming from a Georgia attorney where child endangerment laws are some of the toughest in the country. (Yes, you can get married at 8...don't ask me, I don' know.) Anyway, everyone was in on this one.
When the payoff finally came, he flew into Tyrese's office, his face flush and his body shaking.
"DID YOU SEE WHAT HE/SHE WROTE???" he screamed with steam jetting from every facial oriface.
Sadly, Tyrese is not much of a jokester and gave up the gag far too soon. The triple bypass would wait for another day...and I...still await retribution.
Love,
Helga
To Whom It May Concern,
Last week I intercepted an e-mail from Liquidgeneration with the title: "Something _________ want you to see" addressed to my 12 year-old daughter's e-mail account from one of her friends. The piece was called: "The Bukakke Blob".
Now I consider myself a progressive parent but this is just too much. No 12-year-old needs to be exposed to pictures of women with their faces covered in ejaculate. I understand that my daughter's friend was responsible for instigating the send, and I have discussed the matter with her parents, but your site does nothing to ensure that the recipient is of legal age at ANY POINT in the process. This is unacceptable.
And now, I understand that your site has added her to its mailing list which is even more unacceptable!!! PLEASE DELETE HER IMMEDIATELY!!!
In addition, let me give you a little bit of free legal advice: change your subscription practices and start being more dilligent with minors. America is in the business of protecting her children. Don't let carelessness like this cost you a fat lawsuit lest the next father/attorney who catches you emailing his 12-year-old not be so forgiving.
Yours,
John Davis, Esq.
Atlanta, GA
-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Mar 24 2003 3:59PM
SUBJECT:RE: Send To A Friend
Dear John,
How can we remove your daughter unless we know her e-mail address? For an attorney, you sure seem to be light on detail.
We are an entertainment site. We are not adoptive parents. Kids should no more be roaming around the Internet unsupervised than they should around the slums of Georgia which you all (y'all) have in such plentitude. Direct your blame where it belongs: yourself.
And inasmuch as we cannot thank you enough for the advice (which we are sure is worth every penny), we are tired of laying down and taking the blame and responsibility for the ineptitude of America's parents.
With that being said, we are well funded and successful. We can shove your lawsuit so far up your southern-hick ass, you'll be s***ting legalese for the next 2 years. Let's see if your advanced morality endures when you are freshly broke or if you sell your daughter into the prostitution ring where you probably met her mom.
Love,
Helga The Help
-----Original Message-----
FROM: Angie
SENT: Mar 30 2004 2:47AM
SUBJECT:RE: Practical Joke on your V.P.
Dearest Helga
Words cannot describe the utter hysteria that overtook me as I read the two 'emails' in your practical joke on your V.P.
I haven't laughed that hard since I was in Junior High School! I almost peed on myself. You should put a disclaimer on that thing, or at least add a printable coupon for a pack of super absorbent Depends! You should definitely add to your 'side splitters' section!
I can't wait to see more internal sabotage at the offices of LG. Keep up the good work. There are too many upsetting things in this world. I'm glad to know that someone is out there making fun of it all.
You go, girl/guy!
Love ,
Angie