-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Feb 4 2006 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Technology Workers Suck Ass
My moving expenses are more expensive than your moving expenses.
-- Helga The Help
Dear Self-Professed Technologists,
I am Helga The Help, LiquidGeneration’s highest-ranking transsexual and you are all a bunch of wannabes.
Looking at the lot of you, I see a paradigm shift on your unshaven horizon. One not too dissimilar from the one affecting medical doctors in the beginning of the 19th century. Wanna see what I see? Fine. Print out the following word and staple it to your eyelids:
REGULATION
Technology work is perhaps the most important work in the world. It enables and drives nearly all of human commerce, transportation, healthcare, innovation and most importantly: entertainment. It is the DNA of progress and it is replicating at astounding speed. And what safeguards are in place to prevent a bunch of wanna-be losers from taking an A+ course in high school and applying for a job as the network administrator of the most esteemed entertainment brand in all the Internets? Tragically, NOTHING!
Let me take you back to the days of your momma’s momma’s momma. There used to be nothing wrong with robbing a few graveyards to learn the ropes (or tendons) and hanging a “Doctor is IN” sign in your small town office outside the saloon. Try doing that now and you’ll be carted off to prison faster than you can click your elephant slippers together and say: “There’s no place like Middle Earth.” Allah-Akbar! Because otherwise we’d have an OBGYN in the back of every convenience store.
Technology is no different. There will come a time when the gears of the world will depend so strongly on the Internet that even one faulty node would be as dangerous as a cancer cell to an organism. Looking at some of your resumes, the faults might look a lot like you.
I should post some of the “resumes” for my Monster listing on the newly redesigned Suck My Blog. Except I’m not that vindictive. And the Suck My Blog isn’t that depressive. Instead, I will wallow in my misery and count the days until you are uprooted from the technology universe like the Shamen before you.
P.S. Wanna prove me wrong? We are seriously expanding our staff and are in need of talent in the areas of network engineering and programming. If you are a superstar in any of these disciplines, live in the Los Angeles area, and want to make a difference in the entertainment landscape, go ahead and forward your resume to the following email address: nerdjobsnl@liquidgeneration.com. You risk nothing but my insane rage.
Helga
Tranny Trainer/But Plugger