-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga Mohammed el-Salami
SENT: Apr 7 2007 12:00AM
SUBJECT:The God Gene
Do not breed. Nothing gives less pleasure than childbearing. Pregnancies are damaging to health, spoil the figure, wither the charms, and it’s the cloud of uncertainty forever hanging over these events that darkens a husband’s mood.
- Marquis de Sade
My name is Helga Mohammed el-Salami and get ready for the most offensive newsletter you’ve ever ignored.
On Wednesday, April 04, in the year of your lord and savior, 2007, Dr. Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D., WMD, etc., the Director of the National Human Genome Research Institute and author of The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief belched out his opinion to CNN that religion and science can coexist. [http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/03/collins.commentary/] He USED to be an atheist you see, believing in little more than his AP chemistry textbooks until a patient challenged him and he started looking for answers. And answers he found in the name of Jesus H. Christ. Well gee whiz, I have done some soul searching of my own and still cannot reconcile how it is possible that with all of human accomplishment, all the technology and all the superfluous intelligence streaming about everywhere, that people can still be so blindingly stupid as to actually believe in god.
Now some of you may be grumbling under your smelly breath that Dr. Collins is simply a puppet for the religious right, which voted in America’s current government and appointed him Herr Direktor. You may be right. But not likely. So the question stands: how religion can coexist with even a slight modicum of intelligence not to mention all the presumed capacity Director Collins must have to have earned all his dot.Ds?
A: It’s part of our programming.
You’ve probably heard or read that euphemism before but I don’t mean it figuratively. You are nothing more than an automaton. An inefficient organization of the sun’s energy built from a nucleic acid blueprint for the purpose of replicating said blueprint forever. You have no more purpose than simply being the gene-carrier for an average of 77.85 years and somewhere during that time, construct as many more carriers as you can to continue after you’re horde of solar energy is repurposed into fertilizer.
Ok, go ahead. Send me a breathtakingly long hate mail now, get it out of your system and come back. I’ll wait before writing the next part.
Imagine how different you would be if you accepted this philosophy. Would you still consider life such a beautiful thing? Would you go out preaching the gospel of birth and evils of abortion? I doubt it. Which means, of course, what? That whatever combination of genes you possess that allows for such genetically-destructive choices would never be passed on and the mutation would die with you. Survival of the fittest was never, ever survival of the smartest. Indeed, it benefits a blueprint when the vehicle doesn’t second-guess the plan. Since somewhere along the line, we developed a brain, it only makes sense that the god clause would be written in. If it hadn’t been, we would have gone extinct in a few generations.
So to all you breeders out there, congratulations, you’re the biological equivalent of an elevator. Why don’t you take yourself down, way down and ride yourself all the way down to hell.
Love and Holy Ghosts,
Helga Mohammed el-Salami