Helga's Mail Room - Your Daily Dose of Circumcision

-----Original Message-----
FROM: Helga The Help
SENT: Dec 4 2003 12:00AM
SUBJECT:Dell Tech Support


Dear Mr. Dell,

Over the last 10 years, I have been part of the fuel for your company's meteoric rise. My purchasing decisions, both business and personal, always favored Dell equipment largely because of its excellent quality, durable construction and easy upgradability. I have brought Dell with me to every technology department that I have ever run and to every client I have ever supported.

Over the last few months, I have become increasingly displeased and now, after my latest hardware binge, feel that I can hold back no longer.

J.A., my sales representative, lacks even the most basic ability or desire to return his customer's phone calls in a timely manner. How one can actually sell anything this way I am not sure. What I do know is that this seems to roll down-hill because his boss, T.P, is just as selective in his communications having ignored 2 phone calls from me on 11/8 and 11/11.

Mr. A's irresponsibility also manifests itself in frequent and recurring mistakes such as incorrect order fulfillment and mistaken compatibility. This is to say nothing of the minutia. In every case, he is as willing to help as a federal bureaucrat. (See attached e-mails) We are thus bestowed with the unnecessary burden of muddling through an intricate and dumbfounding maze of automated phone respondents and hardware-specific support representatives that are flavor infused with maddeningly long hold times. I would no longer be surprised if upon going through the whole nightmarish process and hearing the salvation of a human voice only to have it tell me:

"Oh…I'm sorry...your company's name starts with an "L". I only handle A-K. I need to transfer you to another department."

After so many years of knowing whom to call first with all of my hardware needs, I am now forced to go shopping for the next occupant of my rolodex's top spot.

If you suspect that my experience is unique, then I am open to any retention offers you may have. However, I urge you to consider the likelihood that my experience is part of an epidemic that has spread through your organization like gossip through a locker room. A view shared by many of my colleagues.

In cancer, a tumor's uncontrolled growth is ultimately responsible for the organism's demise. Given the similarities with a sprawling organization, I can only bid you good health; my visiting hours are over.

Sincerely,


Helga The Help
LiquidGeneration Inc.

-----Original Message-----
FROM: Beth
SENT: Dec 7 2003 3:24AM
SUBJECT:Computer Stuff
Dear Helga,

I really want to let you know how much I appreciate your articulate
complaint letters to major companies when they do a disservice. You manage
to make your letters simultaneously scathing and humorous, while breaching
an area many people (including myself and my friends) are too
lazy/afraid/fatalistic to deal with.

Your complaint to Dell has especially struck home to me. I attend the
University of Michigan, where we have the choice of using either Dell or
Macs in the public computer labs. In high school I would have immediately
chosen a PC; however, the all Dell systems I have encountered have
performed so abysmally whenever I touch the keyboard, I have completely
given up on them and now use nothing but Macs.

Also, anyone I know (and in the dorms you get to know a LOT of people) who
has owned a Dell inevitably ended up sending it for repairs within a matter
of weeks. This process of sending in computers and getting them back
typically occurs for several months, and eventually Dell ends up either
completely rebuilding the entire computer or the individual gives up on
their lemon and has to find an alternative way to compute on campus.
Either way, the prospects are not all that great and very time consuming.

Due to this reputation (which is actually worse for notebooks than
desktops), it seems like Dell would improve, since most of the students at
any University will probably end up buying several computers over their
lifetime for both personal and business use. Yet we get no better service
here than that you have described. Worse yet for Dell, news travels fast
on campus, and this year I don't know anyone with a Dell. This can not be
good for their business.

In my opinion, the best way to choose a brand to run with would be to walk
into any computer lab on campus and find out what the techies there
suggest. They are usually deluged with constant requests for repair
assistance, and know what brand is working the best overall this year.

Best wishes,
-Beth


-----Original Message-----
FROM: Robert Leiper
SENT: Mar 27 2004 3:52PM
SUBJECT:re; Dell Tech Support
I would totaly agree with your expeirences with dell, I have gone through something quite simalar over a IDE bus that didnt work. I was told that the Motherboard would be replaced free of charge.. which they did for about a week then sent me a 200$ bill for a mother board that was still under warrenty. The Support staff all barely knew english and would hang up first oppurtunity they had, even as far as a supervisor saying to me and I qoute " I dont care what you think or what you want, because we'll give you what we feel like", last time i checked the customer is the boss when your speaking with them.. In any good company anyway.. this seems to be a common problem as I know a few others with dell computers


-----Original Message-----
FROM: Robert Leiper
SENT: Mar 30 2004 12:48AM
SUBJECT:re; Dell Tech Support
Oh that would be positivly delightfull, I have no problems with you publishing my letter
And I myself have always manufactured the PC's for the company's I do work for, i find them much more reliable (let alone less expensive) and I would rather directly deal with the part manufacture's for warrenty then some stupid OEM like HP

If you want a intresting site with lots of opiniated and usualy quite bitter people goto http://www.robulosity.net/thesecretsociety/forums/

Hugs
Rob (Robulosity.Net)